Elton Has Entered the Building

Elton is staring at me. I don’t know if he’s grateful for my water offering or if he’s analyzing me. Maybe Elton is from a different world light years away and has chosen me as his personal specimen. He is, after all, supremely intelligent by being able to put disturbing thoughts into my head:

Will I be in the receiving end of horrific news or will I be the target? It’s hard to believe how the years have evaporated into thin strands of memory flashes and how little time is left. Our country expedites your demise through food poisoning, inaudible sound waves, city-life stress, and, of course, the constant reminders about your frail life through television commercials:

Suffering from arthritis? Diverticulitis won’t let you eat your favorite foods? Infected with HIV? Bones becoming dust because of osteoporosis? Flaccid phallus? Bad vision? Dandruff? Bad Breath? Insomnia? Nausea?

CANCER-CANCER-CANCER-CANCER-CANCER-CANCER-CANCER-CANCER-CANCER!!

You take a walk outside and the conspiracies begin. You think about the car driven by the 94-year-old-widow spins out of control and slams into you. The rogue space trash that will land precisely on your head . . . and let’s not forget about the twin-engine Cessna who finds parking on your roof. You stop in your tracks and turn back home because you know there’s something wrong because “Stupid” and “Shut the Fuck Up” won’t stop barking. You look around but nothing looks out of order except that you hear two neighbors talking about a chihuahua which was devoured by flesh-eating bacteria in seconds by the lake. Enough. You pick up your pace and find comfort in front of . . . what? Your TV?

Enhancing the surrealism is the antidote so you pour a quadruple fine scotch, no ice. While you’re at it, dust off the hookah you bought on your last trip to Tunisia. Mix some old watermelon shisha with powerhouse herbage.

Now, everyone and everything’s fictional. Humorous caricatures, once a living species who ruled the planet, reduced to Alice’s white rabbit constantly checking the time and wrapped up in social media and reality shows. Soon, time will run out and they become dust waiting for an afterlife NOT verified by Fact Checker. You’re okay with this because Jesus is a friend of yours. Toast with the Grand Puba.

Elton has seen enough. Its curly tail whipping through the cannibus clouds, he gently jumps from the ledge onto the small potted bougainvillea. Tomorrow, he’ll investigate the new Muslim family down the block before coming back to have another telepathic conversation with me as the red western skies dissolve into the dark.

 

 

Rant #001 – e.g., on P.C., Pt. 1

RANT #001

Let me start off by possibly offending you: “Political correctness is a mental sickness.” It is censorship of free speech. Is it offensive to some? Yes. But there are MANY things that are offensive to me that no one gives a fuck about. So who gets to determine what should be banned and what should be accepted? Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass about the criteria used. I am not or will ever be politically correct. I am who I’ve always been and will remain that way. Obviously, this cannot be an exclusive philosophy. Everyone has to deal with some sort of criteria for certain situations. For example, a junior high school teacher must watch his or her P’s and Q’s around those very sensitive children. You can’t have a class discussion about Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles or All in the Family’s Archie Bunker (Let’s not forget to mention George Jefferson since this is the yin and yang of pre-PC comedy).

When did the bullshit begin? Let me take a quick guess: cigarette smoking. You can’t smoke in theaters, hotels, restaurants, buildings, sports arenas, even bars because it’s “offensive”.

But before you begin an argument with me, let’s analyze the definition for political incorrectness. Most interpretations for this term agree that it is an attitude or policy where someone does not care if it offends or upsets people(s) with a disadvantage (pls., define) or have been treated differently because of sex, race, or disability. So . . . they’re talking about discrimination. However, terms like this carry a hefty, fluffy GRAY AREA which can be recalled at any given moment. The aforementioned examples are proof. While some will consider Bunker and Jefferson politically incorrect individuals, others with similar ideologies will be quick to label them rude, stupid, mindless, or any of hundreds of adjectives. These are the “superiors” of society; those whose shit don’t smell. These are the individuals who really started this expurgation. They are the serial killers of comedy. Let me explain with another example: Blazing Saddles, a 1974 Mel Brooks film, is considered racist (another word which has ceased to have any logical and/or specific meaning because of its overuse). Sure, the “N” word is mentioned but the person being referred to quickly destroys any assumption that the white race is superior. Actually, actor Cleavon Little explicitly debunks any idea about white supremacy by exposing the era’s white man’s (and woman’s) intense ignorance. So, tit for tat, right? Not for all. They will argue that it is not okay to mention the “N” word while it’s okay to use any other offensive name for any other race. So . . . what if you’re a black, Caribbean Latino? A black Jew? A white Rastafarian?

Oh, am I politically incorrect because I said Black? What’s the term you’re supposed to use this week, then? It seems to change every time someone decides the previous term is offensive. What about Orientals? God forbid! You mean Asians, right? Yeah, nice argument but Asia is huge and Japanese don’t like being confused for Chinese and Koreans don’t like being confused for Filipino. And so on and so on because India is located in Southeast Asia. My take on this: You’re all full of shit and if you are offended, live with it. Nothing in life is fair and people make mistakes all the time. You are human. . .period!

I mention in the first paragraph that there are many things I find offensive that have not been “approved by the superiors”. OK, I find people with bad body odor offensive whether the smell comes from bad hygiene or a physiological disorder. So why should I accept this? NO, dude! Shower once in a while, you bastard and if it’s not bad hygiene, wear cologne, perfume, splash yourself with Scope or spray yourself with Lysol. Should I continue? What about individuals who “flatulates” in public loudly? Oh, yeah . . . “farts” not “flatulates.” What about burping loudly in public or spitting up phlegm on sidewalks?

Many of these will not be considered political incorrectness while others will . . . if it fits the current agenda. Yes, the biases are unending. Stereotyping and profiling will always exist because utilizing these currently unaccepted traits will help catch your neighborhood thief or drug trafficker. It will help you detect bullies and sex offenders. Again, here we use the gray zone to benefit those who seek positive results. The fact is that a stereotype becomes a stereotype by documenting a repeated issue whether it is behavioral or physical. “Am I implying something?” “they” will ask. Don’t care. Everything nowadays is either racist, sexist, misogynistic, islamophobic, homophobic, and all the other labels used these days whenever someone is “frustrated” over something. Yes, people, it’s all superficial. It’s the manipulation of freedoms. This is why I am not offended whenever I am called any of the terms just noted. If anything, being called any of these names will make me feel good because the verbal abuser has proven to me how much more intellectually advanced I am. See? Two can play the same game.

 

Controversy is good publicity

It’s been a while since I’ve written on my blog. There are many reasons for this. First, I’ve been busy writing stories. It is not easy writing in an unconventional way when you are surrounded by . . . well, conventionalism. This is not me. I am not one among the billions. Life is not supposed to be a routine which begins when you are “supposed” to be part of the rat race. This has affected my philosophy on religion, politics, and thought process.

The second reason is because I’ve been trying to get into graduate school. This is also not an easy task. Last year, I was victim to the disorder in the school system. I will not mention who I am referring to but it was very disappointing. Additionally, I have also applied to be a junior high teacher with the Department of Education. Imagine that!

There are other reasons but I will not get into them at this moment.

My writing has become very controversial and disturbing because of the philosophical changes last year. I have realized that I do not have to emphasize the genre “comedy or dark humor” because it comes naturally. My latest project (writing) deals with a man who defies all the institutions practiced in America. The story deconstructs the norms of society and questions everything from established religions to the corruption in government. It is an exploration on individualism, existentialism, and rebellion. It is also a reminder that progress and evolution has been detrimental to society. However, it also touches upon the mind’s capacity and its potential.

It is, once again, a surreal manuscript reminiscent to Franz Kafka and David Lynch but with a twist: it is also an unconventional love story. Only time will tell if it’ll have a happy ending or not. (It is rare for me to write “snuggly cuddly” stories.)

I am referring to this story as the “4 A.M. project” because my insomnia has worsen and I seem to always wake up at this time. I get out of bed, make a cup of coffee, and begin tapping away at the keys. Seems like this has become my preferred time to write but it will eventually kill me.

I would like my readers to add any comments or ask any questions concerning the content of this post. It would be greatly appreciated.

The status quo is a “no go”

Some of you may be wondering whatever happened to my blogs. In a nutshell, I feel I’m not receiving the response I had anticipated. Additionally, I believe comedy should be kept to a minimum since it becomes stale quickly. Because of this, I will tackle more serious matters in the near future with my postings. To be truthful, the main problem here is time. There are countless issues on my plate presently and keeping a blog site active is not a priority at this moment.

I am applying to graduate school, editing a novelette, getting ready to publish a book, in the process of becoming a teacher, writing a few short stories and some flash fiction, and many other goodies. The time frame is small so wasting time is not an option. As you know from previous posts, I have been monitoring my health more closely. I’m happy to say that I’m in tip-top shape except that I have to shed a few pounds. My diet has been greatly reduced in quantity and I am mainly consuming “fungus” and quinoa-based foods. I am also sleeping much better.

Topics that will be covered once I have some time to breathe and I can dedicate time to the blog will include GMO’s, the FDA, existentialism, the DOE, and I may even get slightly political. I will extensively write about the flawed society we live in and the shortcomings of peers. Occasionally, I will dedicate a post or two on three of my favorite hobbies: music, books, and movies.

Now, this doesn’t mean that my old humorous characters will be laid to rest. There will be cameos which would include the infamous 63-foot crab, the fiendish Lee the Tree, and the assortment of personified creatures that may have put smiles on your faces.

Your opinion and comments are needed, though. No one is perfect and any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I may not get back to you immediately but, rest assured, that I will get to your feedback and take your words into consideration.