The sequel​: Doctor Visit & Eliminating Exaggerated​ Misconceptions, Pt. 2

The second part of a two-part blog post. To read the first part, go to https://douglaslynnblog.wordpress.com/2018/07/16/doctor-visit-eliminating-exagerrated-misconceptions-pt-1

…and please, pardon the misspelling on the title.

Let me start by saying that you may be able to teach a dog how many dog biscuits he desires by softly biting several of your newly pedicured toes but it is doubtful he will be able to do your calculus homework. Besides, if you push the dog too far, he’ll just bite off your whole foot. What exactly do I mean by this ludicrous example? Well, my new doctor turned out to be a gem not to mention his assistants. However, I feel there’s something missing in the equation. Specialists usually take care of this problem but my hesitancy revolves around “wondering where the missing quarter pie went to.” After some deep thought, I realized what the missing link was. A nutritionist.

Dr. Fu, I mean, Dr. Wong told me I was quite low on potassium and prescribed me five (yes, 5) potassium pills the size of the Stay Puft man. I am to take one a day and return to the office next Friday to feed the vampires once again. I’m still wondering when I’m getting my free pair of movie tickets. Everything else on the blood and urine test came out perfect except a little detail I noticed upon examining the results which pretty much tells me I shouldn’t have drunk so much straight rum and tequila years ago. No biggie. Turmeric seems to be the wonder drug for everything and I pop those supplements like the old butterscotch Life Savers.

But going back to the nutritionist . . . It is not much a nutritionist as an alternative medicine know-it-all what I need. These are the ones who deal with everything the FDA disapproves of. Oh, have I mentioned before that the FDA is full of s**t? Let’s put it this way: the FDA FORBIDS Vitamin B17 in the U.S. Supposedly, it’s a “cancer-cure” pill but only my readers in the U.K. can shed some light on this since, apparently, it’s only available in the Motherland. Next thing you know, the FDA will also ban Curcumin. Anyhow . . . As is, I take enough vitamins, minerals, and amino acid supplements to keep GNC in business until scientists discover that snacking on beet marmalade covered wrinkled eyelashes from gender-confused, insecto-primitivoe from Southside Uranus is good for you. It’ll probably taste better that vegameatavitamin syrup too. This overindulgence of pills might be the reason why I always pass my blood exams with flying colors. At times, though, you get caught up with all that’s available and you forget to research the drug interactions and end up in the hospital. This happened to me when I started taking Ginkgo Biloba. Let’s just say the reaction was not favorable.

***

I started writing this post yesterday morning. The reaction to the Stay Puft potassium has been intense. How can ONE pill knock me on my a** so rapidly? I almost had to super glue my butt to a porta-toilet because of it. The worst part is that I still four more days to go. Meanwhile, I have an ingrown hair on my neck which is quite inflamed. What a mess and it’s always right before my birthday (next weekend).

In conclusion, it seems like if it’s not one thing, it’s another and one must be disciplined enough to understand that “it is what it is” when it comes to life’s disrupting events. Now, I must teach my Chihuahua the concepts of quantum physics before he devours my feet.

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